Thought 1: Why do I have to be a fundamentally good person? I would love to skive off my last two days of work or call British Immigration on That Bitch and say she has intent to settle there, which she DOES. That probably would hurt my visa karma. Good vibes. Goooood vibes. I am going to grad school. It will work out.
Thought 2: Today is National Dog Day and I didn’t Instagram a picture of my dog. Oh well. He knows I love him without a picture to prove it.
Thought 3: You know what would be a great idea? Topless FaceTime with the boy. Except he gets weird if he thinks his hair doesn’t look good. I’ll offer to have a naked face for the FaceTime session but that won’t be the only thing that’s naked, heh. It’s almost 4.00am where he is. He may be awake, but probably not.
Thought 4: Okay, I’m sleepy, let’s watch relaxing YouTube videos.
Thought 5: Does Narry or a compilation of Harley Quinn saying “Puddin'” count as relaxing? No. Probably not. Guided meditation it is. Remember that one time when I tried to do guided meditation and my dog closed my laptop so I would pay attention to him? That’s why he didn’t get a photo on Instagram for National Dog Day.
Thought 6: Reading! Reading on my Kindle. That will make me sleepy. But what to read in my pocket library of 122 books? Chuck Palahniuk is always a good choice…if I don’t want to sleep. Now I can’t stop thinking about being disemboweled by my pool filter. Ooh, pool. I wonder if it will be warm enough to lay out tomorrow? Yesssss 81 degrees. I can hang.
Thought 7: I’m thirsty. All I have is SmartWater. Or water from the tap. Ew. Anyone notice that SmartWater definitely has a taste? Like a weird taste? All my Evian is in the car. Yes I sound like a brat. No I don’t want to put on pants and go check. Pants are for squares. That’s from Fairly Oddparents. I think. That show was dope.
Thought 8: I am really sleepy. Why does inspiration strike when I’m the most tired? Also where is everyone? Why is everyone being unresponsive to texts? I have no friends, everyone hates me.
Thought 9: Zzzz-Quil! Zzzz-Quil will save me. Except I think I took my last ones last night and I went to the library instead of Target today. And then I got tired so I took a bath to relax. Note to self: essential oils at Whole Foods because I am a ball of stress.
Thought 10: I should just post my useless thoughts on my blog, because I’m egocentric enough to think everyone wants to read them. Plus, I think I’m really funny.
Thought 11: Okay, for real. Nanite, all the love xx