I am in an awful mood and I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s because I feel rooted to the earth, a mighty oak, when all I want is to be the bird that perches in its branches and flies from place to place. But I have no wings.
Maybe it’s because there’s only one place I want to be right now and I can’t be there. Physically, cannot be there.
Maybe it’s because, despite my best intentions, I don’t have my shit together and I don’t even know where to begin.
My mother is right. This is going to be the thing that breaks me. Because I am grasping at straws to even make a semblance of an existence and a stride forward. I may as well be blindfolded in a dark room with wall to wall furniture.
I am Stuck In the Molasses Swamp.
I loved playing Candy Land as a child. Queen Frostine was my favourite – no Princess Lolly for me. I was all about the higher power. And the glittery snowflakes she wore.
If my life was Candy Land and grad school is the end space, I am currently Stuck In the Molasses Swamp. April’s incident was being stuck at Lord Liquorice’s castle with the (nasty) black liquorice bats. Last Monday was being Stuck In a Gooey Gumdrop. With a little bit of hope and advice, I managed to continue moving through to the Ice Cream Sea. And I finally almost make it to the end square, but get stuck. Hopelessly stuck. Hideously stuck.
If this doesn’t make sense, ignore me. I’m doped up on sleepers and I’ll read this tomorrow and think what in the name of hell…
Stuck In the Molasses Swamp and all I want to do is fly.