Untitled, contains Girls HBO spoilers

Tonight’s episode of Girls has left me with a heavy feeling in my chest and a burning need to write. And I don’t know why.

I can’t tell if I’m in the minority or majority, but I am really hating the Adam/Jessa storyline. First of all, I hate when girls trash their friendships for the sake of a boy. And second – Adam is Hannah’s. He has always been Hannah’s and he should always be Hannah’s. And from what I can tell on the internet, people are in two camps. Some people see that Jessa and Adam work really well – they’re both recovering addicts and both a little crazy. And then others, like me, absolutely hate the two of them as a couple. Now, I’ve watched shows where people I didn’t like paired up before  (It’s really frustrating when it’s reality TV because, Bret Michaels, you should have picked Heather in the first season!!). But I couldn’t figure out why this bothered me so incredibly much and has been increasingly bothering me as the season has gone on.

And then I did.

Adam and Jessa together sums up everything I am so afraid of in regards to the boy.

In season 4 of Girls, Adam pulls the same move that just got pulled on me – while Hannah is away, he meets someone new and immediately leaps into something that he tries to make serious. Enter Mimi-Rose Howard. The episode where Hannah meets Mimi-Rose and talks to Adam about his new relationship is probably one of the hardest episodes for me to watch (although Adam describing Hannah is a pretty accurate description of me – “She’s stubborn as fuck and likes to be in bed a lot”). The things Hannah says to Adam – “You were in love with me a month ago, who is she, how did you meet her, this doesn’t make sense” – are all things that I said 6 weeks ago through hysterics. But that’s another story for another time. As Hannah shuts herself in what used to be hers and Adam’s bedroom, it’s weirdly Marnie who drops the life advice that I have been using every day for the past 6 weeks. “You have to give him room to see where this goes or he will hate you forever.”And it’s true. I have to let everything run its course because if he is supposed to be with me, he’ll be back.

But the Adam and Jessa storyline is throwing me off. If Adam can be so happy with someone else and want to be with someone else so badly, can’t the boy? I think I root for Adam and Hannah because I see so much of my own relationship in them. I see the boy who won’t commit until the girl tells him what she needs from him (and that’s where we differ because I knew that was what I needed to do but couldn’t). I see the girl and the boy who really do need each other but don’t like admitting it. And I see the boy who does not like when shit feels real. And so if I do notice the parallels in our relationships, does this mean I will also be replaced so easily?

But here’s what I ultimately think – Adam and Hannah are each other’s. Watching them belong to another person is weird and wrong, but in a way, it’s also fantastic because it just proves that they can’t be with anyone else. And sometimes, you have to let them figure that out for themselves. It’s not going to work with her. It didn’t work with him. Because we belong to each other.

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