One year ago today was probably what I consider to be the most frightening, heart-wrenching, low-key worst days of my life. I have never been more scared or gutted or felt more helpless, ever, and I hope I never have to feel that way again. It has been one hell of a year and I can’t believe how much has changed.
I just want everyone to know that now that it has been a year, I feel lighter and freer. Nothing has changed yet, but everything has changed. I am no longer oppressed. I am no longer being prevented. I can. I can. I can.
I would also like to shoutout to the following members of my various international squads for the immense amounts of love and support and constant reminders to remember where I belong.
Brighton squad: H, B, S, P, M, B, S – I would not have been able to function without your readiness to hear me complain, cry, or even just ache at how badly I wanted to be with you all this year. Love love love always.
LDN squad: S, S, N, J, S, J – thank you for the constant connections and small tokens to remind me of where I’m supposed to be. All the love as always.
USA squad: D, D, S, B, S, L, M, D, J, J, A, M – you guys have done a hell of a job entertaining me and even though it didn’t erase the awfulness, it helped. Love.
I sit now, curled up on my sofa, thinking about exactly where I was a year ago this second and how I was hyperventilating, swollen eyed and exhausted. Never again. Never never again.
I did it. I made it. I survived.