Chemical Wedding.

“Question. Would you die for me?”

That is a simple answer and one I can answer quickly. Yes. Yes I would. One hundred times over. If I had to choose between the blood in my veins and you, I would gladly bleed myself dry. Put me at gunpoint, cut open my chest, if it’s for you, I’m dead and gone. Isn’t that what I am doing right now? I am dying slowly for your benefit, slowly at your hands. I am cradling the things you cannot handle and it is killing me. But I welcome it. I welcome every anxiety attack and uncontrolled crying jag. Because I’d rather feel these little pieces of you than nothing at all. That would make me completely dead inside.

“That’s too easy. Would you – would you live for me? Hmmm?”

This is where it gets hard. Would I live for you? Can it be with you? I’d do anything as long as I can be with you on every possible plane. But in order to achieve this, do I have to show you I would do it before you would follow?

“Careful. Do not say this oath thoughtlessly. Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power.”

I desire you, in every sense of the word. If I surrender to that desire, does that give me power or does it place me squarely in your hand for you to crush in your fist? You said to me a year ago that maybe you’re worth the wait. I’ve always thought you were worth more than you think you are, but am I okay completely giving myself over to you when I don’t know what you will give me in return?

“Do you want this?”

If by “this” you mean you, that answer is easy. You are inked on my skin, you are the first thing I think of in the morning and last thing I think about before I fall asleep. I see the blue of your eyes in the clearest skies. I see the freckles on your skin in the constellations. I can see so clearly a life with you, where we are separate but equal, giving and taking, existing as our best possible selves. But this is where I struggle. I don’t want to beg you but I know that we can’t exist separately for much longer and I just want you home with me.

“Say it. Say it. Saaaaay it. Prettyprettyprettyprettyprettypretty…”

Please.

“Mmm. God, you’re so…good.”

I’m only good when I’m with you.

I take the plunge and I am reborn. One hundred percent yours. We are both equal and opposite. I was created for you, to better you, to complete you. And I think you’re starting to realise that. I just need to wait for you to jump in after me.

And I know you will. Take your plunge. I’ll be in the boiling acid, choosing you every time.

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