I only miss you when it rains. When the clouds spit a light mist or when they drop buckets and buckets of water, bringing back memories of rainy walks to a train station after saying goodbye to you. When nothing was better than listening to the soft rain whilst drinking tea in a dirty kitchen, desperately trying to ignore the fire that burned in your stare. I don’t miss you all the time. I only miss you when it rains.
I only miss you when it snows. When the sound of my boots in the slush recalls a slippery trek down a slope and a stolen kiss by a doorway, cold brick digging into my back. The only sound I could hear was that eerie silence that comes with fallen snow. When the sky is a hushed steel colour and the lights cast warm yellow glows. I don’t miss you all the time. I only miss you when it snows.
I only miss you when it’s sunny. When the sky is the same colour as your eyes, with a smattering of clouds like the freckles on your cheeks. Waves crash in my ears and pebbles crunch under my boots, your lips are on mine as the sun shines over the sea. When a cold late October breeze only hints at the coming winter, only children are getting ice cream cones because adults have more sense, and the sun starts to set at 5pm. I don’t miss you all the time. I only miss you when it’s sunny.
I only miss you when it’s warm. When the temperature outside is the same as being encircled in your arms on a Sunday morning. A night spent in a beer garden surrounded by screaming fans in red, black and yellow, vuvuzelas buzzing. A gossamer sheet between us, a hot pink satin bathrobe puddled on a hotel room floor. My tan skin making the two of us look like Neopolitan ice cream. When we are glued together by a sheen of sweat, but neither of us mind because we still aren’t physically close enough. I don’t miss you all the time. I only miss you when it’s warm.
I only miss you when it’s cold. When lips leave behind a stinging bite. My feet turn white and cause you to shriek when I unexpectedly place them on your thighs. We spend all night under the duvet, with you making sure I am under it at all times. When nothing is better than being in your arms, my own personal space heater. Night walks along the sea when our breath puffs out in white clouds. When the leaves have fallen and we stand on a frigid stoop, kissing like 14-year-olds at the cinema who have evaded their parents for what they call a date. I don’t miss you all the time. I only miss you when it’s cold.
I only miss you in the winter – December, January, February. I only miss you in the spring – March, April, May. I only miss you in the summer – June, July, August. I only miss you in the autumn – September, October, November. I only miss you on days that end in Y. I only miss you during the day; I only miss you at night. I only miss you in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening.
But don’t worry, my darling. I don’t miss you all the time.