What can I do for you?
That seems to be what I’ve said the most to you. What can I do? Do you need anything?
And you haven’t said that to me. Not in a long time.
Sure, you used to bring me mashed potatoes and Popsicles when I was sick. You used to hide my Easter present somewhere for me to find. I brought you doughnuts when you got dumped. Last year, I busted my ass to put together a birthday party for you, and you got me gifts that showed me how well you knew me. But this year, I went out of the country with my flatmates on your birthday, and you didn’t even get me a gift for mine.
Things have changed and I know when they did. We stopped prioritising each other. I spent my weekends locked away in my bedroom because you spent your weekends wrapped in the arms of a man from a town about 40 minutes away. And now you spend your weekends out on the town and I spend mine snuggled up on the sofa with a man who has gone above and beyond in the last year to make me feel whole.
Maybe this was a ticking time bomb. We went from being “Summer and Tinkles” to “hey I haven’t seen you in 5 days even though we share a wall”. Snide comments were made, under the breath and to the face. But maybe there were always red flags – plans broken for the sake of a better option, an inability to empathise. And that seems to be the root of the problem here – the self-serving, the lack of empathy – that’s what makes this goodbye necessary.
But here’s what makes it difficult. You have been a huge part of my life for over two years now. You’ve been my main companion since we started our masters. We’ve lived in the same building as one another this entire time. I don’t hate you or want bad things for you. I want you to recognise how you can be quite toxic and unsupportive. That you can be a bulldozer in an effort to get what you want. That you can’t use your struggles as an excuse for behaving badly.
And I’m seriously regretting giving you my last Day-Quil on Saturday if you were just going to pull shit like this.
coeurdelamere 